So Now I'm Rich

I just got a copy of The Minotaur Takes a Cigarette Break that I ordered from Half.com. Seems that someone left her textbook receipt in the book... with all of their credit card info handwritten on it.

That has to be one of the dumbest things ever. Nice handwriting, though.

And there's a note attached that says "could you pretty please steal my identity."

There's also a picture of her tied naked to a tree. She's covered in bees that are wearing leather S&M masks. And there's a rainbow above her that looks like it has the face of Jesus in it. And Satan's making hamburgers for a red-headed Cuban Jew.

Damn, baby. That's some kinky shit. Certainly the excesses of an unbelievably rich skank. How am I to turn down such an offer?

...Except now I'm thinking that this girl, her name's Robynn (y double-n), was probably a lit major, so she probably has about the same amount of money as I. Then again, she could've been slumming. Or maybe she has rich parents and her credit card limit is off the chain.

That's right. Off the chain.

So now I'm rich. But I'm still a cheap bastard, so don't expect anything from me.

What should I do with all this money?